Living Two Lives
by Rayjpop
Summary: Riley's thoughts about 'football Riley' and 'Sweet and lovable Riley'. Drabble and mentions of Ziley.


**Author's Note: **This is dedicated to Alex, someone who loves my other Degrassi story and always makes me smile because he tells me to hurry up and update. So this is to you and Dalton, the person who feeds his Degrassi crave.

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**Living Two Lies**

**Riley POV**

Even though I wish I could be the guy that Zane wants all the time I just can't. I live life as two different people, the guy Zane fell in love with and the captain of the football team. It may seem like I could be both at once but I can't because I have a reputation to uphold at all costs. I can see the hurt in his eyes every time I am 'football Riley' and it hurts me too because all I want to do is make sure that he is safe.

I would drop 'football Riley' like a bad habit if it weren't for the fact that my parents are really opinionated about gay people. It makes me want to throw up whenever my mom calls my clothes 'zesty' or when my dad comments about gay rights and how they shouldn't be allowed to have any. So I play the role of being a normal high school jock to keep them at bay because when I am 'practicing' late I am really over at Zane's having fun.

I do spend a lot of my free time with Zane, even if it's just doing homework together. I want to be there for him without having to hide behind buildings, in the field or even in his car but I can't have my parent's finding out about us. I know it sounds wrong to put my parents ahead of my boyfriend but I can't help it. I am my parent's only child and I don't want to make them regret having me as their child.

Although I don't really know why Zane puts up with me or keeps giving me chances but I am sure glad he does because I can't picture my life without him. I know that this is just a high school romance but it feels like so much more. It's hard to deal with having two completely different lives but I somehow manage to make it work. I don't think I should be proud of that but I am.

I actually think that I prefer to be the guy that Zane wants because then I can actually be myself and not be afraid of being judged. I must say that I am proud of Zane. He deals with all of the bullying, name calling and bashing and doesn't let it get to him. I honestly wish that I could be more like him. He deals with Owen and Drew on a daily basis and doesn't ever complain, well not a lot that is. I do remember times when he would yell and scream, hoping that it would end but I would be there for him, telling him that it was just high school.

I am lucky enough to have a few friends that do know about Zane and I. Peter and Anya are completely supportive of our relationship and are more than willing to cover for me if I ever need them to. Anya would call the house phone just to get my parents off my back about dating a girl. Apparently they thought I was dating her when I was really using her to talk to Zane, thank God for three way calling. Sometimes when things get really stressful at home, Peter would bring me over to his place and whoop my ass in boxing on the Wii. I didn't care if he won, I just needed to let off some steam or I would be pounding holes into the walls of my room.

Zane doesn't know this but I am considering coming out to the whole school and my parents. I just can't take the lying anymore; it's driving me insane. For him I would tell the entire free world that I loved him. He is even helping me control my anger. I am going through anger management classes just because I don't ever want to lose control and hurt him.

'Too bad nobody will ever read this.' I thought as I saved the word document on my computer at home. I titled the document with the date and time. I learned through my anger management classes that expressing your feelings in a safe and secure environment would help. I think it does because after I am done writing I feel much better. And I think Zane notices too because he smiles more whenever I told him that I wrote.

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**A/N**: I am sorry that this is short but I think of it as more of a drabble. Anyway, huge thanks to everyone who reviewed my other Degrassi story and equally big thanks to Alex and Dalton! Have a great week!

~Ray


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